Poop Calculus

Singapore Math, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
A National University of Singapore’s brochure cover promoting math and art.

A fortnight ago, Center of Math (@centerofmath) tweeted the following picture:

Imagine if Donald Trump were your high school math teacher. How would he disruptively or irreverently use the above illustration to teach some “pop (or poop) calculus” to his math-anxious Liberal Arts students?

From Epstein to Trump

President Trump’s “fun buddy” of yesteryear, Jeffrey Epstein, was unverifiably a pretty good math teacher before he became a successful financier, whose sinful soul had since journeyed to that hot fiery place, on the other side of eternity, sooner than later.

And not too long ago the president who claimed to have a “genius IQ” boasted that his “favorite” daughter is very good at numbers, which indirectly implies that she must have inherited his (or his first wife’s) “mathematical gene.”

An e-card promoting the disruptive title, “If Trump Were Your Math Teacher” (2020).
A phrase that had made its way into Urban Dictionary, but had since mysteriously disappeared from cyberspace.
Trump’s Calculus

Based on the defined meanings of f(x), what could f′′′(x) represent?

The distance between two peeing men is inversely proportional to the degree of friendship between them. (Photo © Anonymous)

or

If F′(x) = f(x), then F(x) might depict the dear speciality coffee beans eaten and excreted by civets.

The sought-after civet cat poo that meets the wants of filthy-rich coffee drinkers.

And what if G′′(x) = f(x)? Would G(x) represent the following picture?

Not all coffee beans are created equal.
Calculus for Civet Cats (and Their Humans)
Can we expect “Calculus for Civet Cats” in a-not-too-distant future?
The Calculus of Donald Trump

Let me end with two “urban calculus definitions” I coined in the aftermath of President Trump’s irrational behaviors.

Did President Trump and gang order this definition to be taken off the Urban Dictionary?
Another approved definition whose days were numbered.

Differentially and integrally yours

© Yan Kow Cheong, September 30, 2019